Monday, August 3, 2009

Romancing your Husband

My husband is amazing. Like. Really amazing. Sure, he has his bad days. But let me tell you if you met him you'd wish you married him before I did. He is cute, corny, romantic, cheesy, extremely handsome... but most of all he looks/acts more like Jesus than any other man I've met. He is an inspiration to me. His ability to endure what would have sent my often silent-but-deadly temper through the roof, bewilders me. He has patience. He may argue with that, but compared to my womanly "I want to know now" personality, he's my Hero.

Hero's are great, but they need a break too sometimes. Due to my husbands strength in areas where I am weak, I tend to look at him as a superhero of some sort. When really, he needs encouragement and love just as much as I do.

So this summer as I've been enjoying my break from nursing school I've taken initiative to really develop myself not only as a mother, but as a wife. I truly believe to be the best mother I can be, I need first love and admonish my husband. Our family is a team and if one member is lacking, we all fall.

Anyway, to the romance! I borrowed a book I found interesting off my mom's bookshelf called "Romancing your Husband," by Debbie Smith. (You should have seen the look on my husbands face when he saw the title- he was more excited about the book than I was.) I loved the book, very easy going and practical. I felt like I was chatting over coffee with a friend/mentor. Here are some key points I personally took to heart:

  1. Be a lover-wife, not mother-wife. It happens all too often. Wives treat their husbands like children. This can happen unintentionally, for instance like it has with me at times. I want my husband to help around the house but then I don't like the way he does things so I do it myself. For example, he's cooking dinner and I want to step in and take charge and tell him what spices to put in, etc. These kind of things can belittle our husbands and make them not want to help at all. Give them the freedom to serve and express their masculinity in their own unique way. If that means you're having a mystery meal for dinner or you find your kids wearing something that completely doesn't match (thanks, Dad!)... at least he's wanting to help, what a blessing! Thank him for it, encourage him in it. When you feel the nudge to step in and take charge, don't. Think "space and grace." Give your husbands the opportunity to make mistakes (you may be surprised) and love them even when they do.
  2. Remain faithful to your husband not just physically, but in word and thought. There's a phrase the author uses called "verbal fidelity." It means despite how "unsmart" or wrong you feel your husband may have acted you don't go talking or complaining to others about it. And you don't entertain those bitter thoughts in your heart. You pray to God, confess your feelings to him and with a right and loving heart, you approach those issues with your husband. After prayer, your husband may actually come to you or perhaps there will be a divine opportunity to talk about those things together. "The faithful wife makes certain that when others are looking at her (children, friends, etc.) every action speaks loyalty... Fidelity is not about putting on a show. It stems from a pure heart before God and flows forth as a natural consequence of what's in the soul."
  3. Get into God's presence. "A divine intimacy develops through regularly absorbing the presence of God." We have to trust God before we can trust our husbands. And trust is one of the major building blocks of real intimacy.

If your relationship with your spouse is not a healthy one, I encourage you to seek help. And if this whole idea of intimacy/romance with God seems foreign to you, let me know an we can talk about that. But for know let us strive to be in right relationship with our Creator so we can truly be in unity with our spouses.

What are some unique ways you have found to romance your husband? And if you're not married, do you feel your respect the men in your life? Why, or why not?


  1. Bridget... I love what you wrote. I know that we barely know each other and except for the mutual love for Jesus and India that connected us a long time I ago. But, I think we are so like-minded (only you're more eloquent!) I would love to have a friend like you nearby! I would love for our husbands to meet... I don't know Aaron (I think maybe I met him once), but you describe him like I describe my husband and I know they would be friends. Let me know if you're ever in Minnesota... seriously, I would love for the four of us to hang out. I also watched your video of Hannah's first year and ultrasound and I loved it! I'm 41 weeks pregnant today and my heart was overflowing with expectancy and joy as I watched your videos. thanks! Amber Lang

  2. WOW!! I love your blog!! I can't remember how I found it but I couldn't pull away from it!! You have a beautiful family!

    Des Moines, IA

  3. I am buying that book! Sounds great! :)

  4. Hey Bridget..this is jenny. I just started a blog here at blogspot, too. :) Wanted to say "Hi" and give you my name. Sounds like a great book.

  5. Bridget, I have been following you on Xanga for a while (I found you by clicking around on a friend's sight) and I haven't been able to comment because I don't have a Xanga account. I really appreciate your Godly words of encouragement! It's nice to see a fellow young woman of God who is striving to be the best she can be for her husband and kids. It's so rare these days and I'm always refreshed when I see it!