Monday, September 7, 2009

When someone tells you they're pregnant.

When a woman tells you she's pregnant. It's a big deal. And what you say in response to that is a big deal too. The purpose of this essay is to encourage you, whenever that moment happens, to choose your words wisely.

You may be in shock, you may be surprised, and you just may say something that sounds confusing or hurtful, even if you didn't mean to say it that way. It's amazing what some people say when they're met with a shocker like "I'm pregnant." And I really can't blame them. Because of most of the not-so-happy comments are the very same thoughts I mulled over myself when I first saw those 2 lines in the bathroom. But still, people, please try your best to regain your composer for the hormonal pregnant woman's sake and say something really nice!

Things you should say: I'm so excited for you! Congratulations! That's wonderful!

Things you should not say: Whoa! That was fast. Were you guys even trying? You might look a little fat at graduation but at least you'll have the baby after your out of school. You may have trouble getting hired though.

Not all of that was said to me, but some of it was. When a woman realizes she is pregnant she has often has a flood of emotions. Excitement and joy, yes. But also sometimes feelings of fear and inadequacy. It's normal to feel those things, no matter who you are and where you are in life. So when you share the news with friends and family the last thing you want to hear is a comment that reiterates you inadequateness or validates your own concerns, however real they may be.

Point B, pregnant women are usually a hormonal mess. One negative sounding comment can send us to tears in an instant. We're extra sensitive, so coat those first words with pillows of love and comfort. I chose not to share the news until I felt emotionally stable enough to answer people's questions and be prepared for these types of comments. It took time for things to sink in for me. It took about a week for me to wrestle and overcome my doubt, hold on to my husbands hand and start believing God for the good things has for us in the future. And now I'm really excited! But those first few days I felt like a time bomb just waiting to go off.

Anyway, dear friends, we all have a right to be less than excited when a friend announces a pregnancy, but I'm asking you, as a woman who is 6 weeks pregnant, please, for her sake, tell her how much you believe in her. :o)

Edit: Thank GOD I have a husband who did a great job in this area and no matter how surprised he was, displayed his excited to be having another baby. He has been my strength these last few days. And He has encouraged me to wait before the Lord and listen to the plan HE has.... The very plan God is about to lay before us in a whole new way.

9 comments:

  1. awww...bridget, i'm so happy for you! what wonderful news! how great for hannah, too, to get a sibling close to her age. :)

    i hear you about the comments..here's some of my favorite awkward onces I've gotten:
    --wow, what in the world are you going to do?
    --are you sure you're ready?
    --you look terrible. with all that morning sickness are you sure the baby is getting enough?
    --you think you're tired now..just wait, you'll never sleep again
    --how will you work and put in the hours you do and be a mommy?
    --bet that will keep you in the States for a while longer, huh?? (this one really gets under my skin..who said you can't take kids to the nations???)

    oh, the tactlessness of well meaning friends sometimes...LOL..I feel your pain. :)

    Hope you're enjoying every minute!!! So happy for you..the God who carried you through nursing school with Hannah will carry you through the last part of it with your new little one..AND the job hunt afterwards. :)

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  2. Yay! That's wonderful, wonderful news! I'm so happy for you and your family. Even though we tried for 5 months to get pregnant with our second daughter, I'll never forget those butterflies that came when I got a positive pregnancy test with her. Your family growing is the best thing ever but it's totally normal to get a little bit nervous or uneasy about the change.

    Don't you just LOVE those comments? We had our first daughter 13 months after we got married so you can imagine the wonderful things that people said to us. We actually heard, "That's just so sad. You and John won't be able to enjoy each other very much." Um, thanks??!?

    Your kids will be almost the same amount of months apart as ours are and the transition and been seamless. I would totally pick this timing all over again!

    I hope your first appointment goes well. Can't wait to hear all about your growing bundle of joy:-)

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  3. Hey, I just got a Target baby catalogue in the mail today and it came with a coupon for a free $20 gift card when you create a Target baby registry. Did you get one of those? Or were you going to do a registry this time? I just thought I'd offer to mail it to you since I don't think I'll be pregnant before it expires (10/22/09). :) Send me an email with your address if you want it. averyandemily [at] sbcglobal [dot] net

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  4. Bridget, I think it's awesome ya'll are expecting again! But you're right, some people say some interesting things...makes me look forward to the day when I have my own announcements to make... or not! ;)

    if I am ever guilty of being one of those awkward-comment-makers, I hope you'll forgive my accidental insensitivity. :)

    love, Bethany

    ps how are you doing/feeling?

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  5. Bethany, I definitely forgive accidental sensitivity. It was actually a close family member who made the comment amount being fat and having a hard time getting hired within seconds of telling her I was pregnant. I was a little surprised at how she seemed to voice the first thoughts to come to her mind... but I understand she was doing just that. Since then she has been completely supportive and encouraging. I'm just glad I waited a little while to tell her so I could get over a few of those emotions myself.

    I'm doing good emotionally, but rough physically. Nausea comes and goes all day long and it's hard to stay cheery when you feel sick to your stomach. I'm hoping it won't last too long. Perhaps a month at most?

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  6. Thank you! My sister just found out she is pregnant and didn't want to be.... I think she's scared. But it helps to see that other women feel that way as well. Its may now, so if you haven't had the baby yet, good luck! and if you have CONGRATULATIONS!!!! God Bless you both either way!

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  7. There is one super fun part. Registering for your baby registry. I had so much fun walking around the store picking the items I wanted for my first child!

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  8. Of course, I congratulate someone who is pregnant because actually, having a baby is a gift when some couples could not even have babies.Early Pregnancy Symptoms

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